Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
