I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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