is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
