I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
