We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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