True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
