If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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