It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
