Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
