oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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