That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
