make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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