my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
