my room smells like sperm. sweet.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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