i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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