Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
