Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
