she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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