hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
