girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
