I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
