Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
