I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize