I got chris browned last night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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