You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
