take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
