i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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