Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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