she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
