Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
