My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my shit smells like andre
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
