I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
