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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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