The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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