Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
