When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
