Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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