Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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