you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
