This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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