I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
