Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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