So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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