So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this will be a night to untag.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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