Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
