She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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