I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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