as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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