He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
