took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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