I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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