I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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